Saturday, July 29, 2017 @ 9:38AM

Ann's Birthday Gift 07-18-18

Good morning.  I think it’s most morning.  There’s been a lot of Tomfoolery happening around here.  We DID see Rich off this morning, and ever since … well just fooling around – especially over at Facebook.  Although we’ve tried very hard to stay away from there, today, we posted another note, and then we just found ourselves as in the old days scrolling down to see where people were at.  It’s ok, it’s ok.

The picture above is something we found, I believe on AOL NEWS.  Hey, did we ever get through the 60 or so news briefs?  Hmm, THINK we recycled through the list.

This was the one thing we picked-up though.  I LOVE the hanging flowers.  It is a home-made item – basically, a gutter cut and capped in three, and then it is painted, given hanging and draining holes, and then fed flowers 😊 We showed Rich before he left and said, that I would like it for next year’s birthday.  Maybe?  He does well with petunias, and I think I would like them a LOT.  We are thinking, we would like two sets, one for both the north AND south sides of the patio.  We have a hanging thing over it, and this would help separate us from the neighbors’ view – Both Don and Joe’s place.  Not a lot, and it’s not a BIG problem, but it would be soooo much prettier!

Just thinking … maybe if he has Justin’s guys come out and finish the back patio, he could build this too?  I don’t know … think it wouldn’t be TOO much.  They have the equipment for the cutting of gutters, and it wouldn’t be hard for them to get the material.  Ok, shhh girl … we’re getting a little TOO excited.  Let’s calm it down!

Better be moving on.

Ok-ok.  Where are we going next?  I guess the decision to start a blog entry – well, that at least, is a decision.  I noticed that by accident, we posted a page to our blog yesterday, or the day before that shouldn’t have gone there.  BUT, now that it is there.  Eh, it’s going to be OK.  Just as long as it gets included as a regular page in the spaces that we posted for it.  Better check that now.  I’m thinking though, that’s why it pasted under a date.  Couldn’t figure that out before.  Just hey, we went with it, you know?

Yup-yup … just checked it and it seems ok.  THOUGH we should figure out how to do it proper, so that it is attached to other things on that set of pages for the “working on self-regulation and dissociation page.”  Hmm, maybe later.  We’ll have to think it through.  There are different values.  One on the left side is that it’s handy for editing to keep all the pages together, but on the right side … because it DID go down as a blog page – it posted on Facebook.  I’m not saying that anyone read it … just that it got a little exposure.

The one person, we HOPE picks up a slight interest is Jim.  He’s our CA friend who we met through a Multiples’ group.  I think he would be able to understand that we’re trying to do something important at our web/blog site.  I think he can read things that are more serious, IF we ever get to the part of writing those kinds of things.  We want him to be interested in our site though and to follow it in general.  I would respect advise coming from him, and I know he keeps a solid foot in the “Multiple Door.”

There is something, I would like to say, perhaps right away – ok back down – nothing “newsworthy, OR Gossipy,” just that something happened to us while we were reading our material last night.  I tried to tell Rich about it, but his mind is usually somewhere else.  Most likely, he was busy last night getting today’s events in order.  I don’t know if we mentioned it recently, but today he has guard duty for his fishing club.  All the 250 members volunteer at least twice a year to “help” out the club.  He had to be there about 8AM, and then he gets off at about 2PM, but instead of coming home, he is meeting his son and grandson for an overnight event at the club – just for them.

They are camping out, and fishing!  We’re just so excited for him.  This will be his grandson’s first fishing trip – AND for that matter, might be his younger son’s too, at least with a boat that happens to be his Grandpas.  Rich’s kids have never showed interest in fishing before, AND you KNOW what a big fisherman Rich is, so this was a pretty big deal.  He said, he should be home sometime tomorrow after lunch.  He’ll call in-between time, but we did send him off wishing him great fun!

We also sent a note to Dr. Marvin, though I’m not sure what it said.  I guess, we could look.

Hmm, we don’t like where this put us.  The note was mixed with some parts desire to not be here.  But, for the record, this is what we wrote.

Dr. Marvin, I wrote this in my introduction weeks ago. [Anns/MW, 07-11-17 @ 8:04AM] Introduction to Self-Regulation and Dissociation (Multiplicity) Why do we have such a strong interest in “Self-regulation and Dissociation (Multiplicity)?” Our strongest thought, so far, is that this topic must be researched/studied by us, because we long for a conscious awareness/understanding on “how to survive life.” We aspire to learn/teach, and believe simply – that we will “go-on.” We don’t think this problem of “going-on” is uncommon with Multiples, or others.

Dr. Marvin I wrote this and last edited this on July 11. Tonight … I just read this … through that chapter we’d been working on.

Porges (1997) describes the involuntary and often prolonged characteristic pattern of vagal outflow from the dorsal vagal nucleus. This long-lasting state of dorsal vagal parasympathetic activation accounts for the extensive duration of “void” states associated with pathological dissociative detachment (Allen, Console, & Lewis, 1999), and for what Bromberg (2006) calls dissociative “gaps” in subjective reality, “spaces” that surround self-states and thereby disrupt coherence among highly affectively charged states. These “gaps” are also discussed in the developmental psychoanalytic literature. Winnicott (1958) notes that a particular failure of the maternal holding environment causes a discontinuity in the baby’s need for “going-on-being”; and Kestenberg (1985) refers to this as “dead spots” in the infant’s subjective” experience, an operational definition of the restriction of consciousness of dissociation. At all points of the life span, dissociation is conceptualized as “a basic part of the psychobiology of the human trauma response: a protective activation of altered states of consciousness in reaction to overwhelming psychological trauma” (Loewenstein, 1996, p. 312) (Shore, 2012, p. 78).

I don’t know how my “going-on” could be a real term already out there – loaded with meaning to dissociatives through Winnicott. How could I have known that? I’m not able to take on all this chapter states it’s very loaded with meaning. It’s hard. It feels like one of the most important things I’ve ever read. Words are swimming.


@ 2:45PM We’re back … we lost a lot of time.  Got to check … Man … last time check was about 9:30AM … this morning though … yay SAME DAY!!!  Over five hours where nothing happened.  We did eat, sleep and watch some news.  But, that’s not good time.  I’m starting to think that when we sleep in the middle of a perfectly good morning or afternoon, we are just avoiding.  Again, back to Dr. Marvin’s suppression.  OR, regression.  I think yesterday that was one of the first things we were trying to figure out.

We can’t go over yet the above statement, but we’re going to try working past it.  We have a big block that feels like it is sitting in the front of our forehead – heavily over our eye brows.  Hmm, might be time for our medicine too … just ten minutes early … think we’ll take it now and then hopefully work through it.  We have talked to Rich already – he’s about ready to get off guard duty, but they give them lunch off so he got some more stuff for his camping trip.  He found a nice spot and has the car parked on it – he said he just must walk about a block and a half.  His son and grandson should be getting there about now.  Hope everything is going to work out.  Oh, yes … I remember going to get medicine.  We feel real flat.

Our computer keeps crashing … I think we bout it about eight years ago.  I’m afraid to think, but it might be time to replace, before anything serious happens.

@ 4:49PM We were looking at computers for a while.  We wrote a few down, but didn’t make any decisions.  The field is wide open.  Then my computer refused to find ANYTHING … it’s said even looking for, that it had timed out.  NOTHING!  This is a serious thing.

@ 5:10PM We’re getting nowhere fast.  I think we’re going to have to either try harder, or switch to something else.

Unconscious, implicit emotion
Freud speculated, “Unconscious ideas continue to exist after repression as actual structures in the system Ucs, whereas all that corresponds in that system to unconscious affects is a potential beginning which is prevented from developing” (Schore, 2012, p. 73). Just being blocked … multiple selfs … ideas are being blocked as actual structures —> each self is a start and stop without conclusion – is hanging around to complete itself.  They live in the unconscious, but with potential.
Unconscious implicit affect —> bodily based affects are the center of empathic communication, and that the regulation of conscious and unconscious feelings is placed in the center of the clinical stage. In contrast … Having a heartfelt feeling for … what then happens to feelings …
An unconscious act governed by unconscious factors – which is a challenge to therapists Relating psychotherapist to patient …
How does a therapist relate empathetically to an unexpressed emotion? A doctor understands the patient’s goals (known or unknown)
Unconscious affects not repressed, but dissociated affects … later formed repression = associated = left brain inhibition Blocking …
Of affect generated by right brain = whereas early forming dissociation Mimi reflects a dysregulation of affects – force —> overwhelmed —> fear, terror, orgasm —> totally understood with no reference point or kind soul to calm – bring down child/infant
Resulting from dis-integration of the right brain Which is saying what the fuck was that!  Like, a pong ball out of control and disrupting all connections – no help
—> Dis-integration of right brain <— come back to this
Right brain dominance in = processing = of unconscious negative emotion
Subjectively unconscious danger = cortical response
We felt in danger when we received BJs email —> thinking of us every day —> in church —> and knowing what we do (reading our blog).  This was subjective – we felt danger, but not anyone else.  So, did cortical overload affect with to be dead?  Emotion of fear is not necessarily conscious … you don’t need to know you’re afraid.
Enhanced memory Like of BJ
For emotional experience Sexual abuse
Subconscious level Prior to getting the note —> waiting to be stirred up without clear awareness.
Right brain = processing self-images When they aren’t consciously perceived.
psychotherapist —> unconscious self-image —> nonconscious internal working models of attachment … unconscious negative emotions, unconscious self-images —> elements of psychotherapeutic process especially for severe self-pathologies It seems that we are leading toward DID is being pathologically unhealthy —> coming down on selfs (disorder that they are holding disorganization)
Right brain —> essential role
—> unconscious processing of emotional stimuli
—> emotional communication clinical model
——> affective unconscious
——> relational unconscious
———> one unconscious mind connecting to another
Patient/therapist – infant/mother (unconscious for both) —> attachment transactions —> beneath conscious awareness
Self-regulation of emotion – affect regulation – the set of control processes by which we influence, consciously and voluntarily, the emotions we have, and how we experience and behaviorally express them
Various nonconscious mental systems perform the lion’s share of the self-regulating burden beneficially keeping the individual grounded in his or her environment.  We need to study more attention to implicit and relational processes of regulation dissociation
Unconscious affect regulation is more essential than conscious emotion regulation in human survival functions
Essential adaptive capacity evolved in early attachment experiences
p. 74 sense of self <— developmental achievement sense of selfs?


—> depends on

1)      How well the capacity for affect regulation, and

2)      Affective competency has been achieved

When early patterns of interpersonal interaction are relatively successful

—> create a stable foundation for relational affect regulation that is internalized as:

1)      Non-verbal

2)      Unconscious

(relational – child/mother dyad) — and is sometimes addressed patient/therapist

= made possible

—> successful negotiation of interpersonal transactions [between people] at:

1)      Increasingly higher levels of self-development, and

2)      Interpersonal maturity is made possible

Now the problem is that dissociatives have and unstable foundation …. How is the “adaptive capacity” affected in dysfunctional attachment experience —> how does this lead to “sense of selfs?”  How is the capacity for affect regulation and competency affected?
Successful negotiation of interpersonal transactions So, what then?  In unsuccessful negotiation

1)      Sexual abuse

2)      Physical abuse

3)      Emotional abuse

4)      Spiritual abuse

What is learned interpersonally and what happens to turn interpersonal relationships to internal interpersonal relationships?  How does abuse as a dysfunctional negotiation affect trust and?   security? And achieve sense of only one self?  Beliefs?  Love?  Esteem?  I’m ok … we’re ok?


Ok, this might still be too abstract to hold together in our minds.

WooHOO!!!  Oh my … look what we can do now!  The following is a quote copy and pasted from the downloadable version of the Kindle Reader.  AND, there are a few other things, like it allows us to see the notes and highlights and stuff AS we are reading WITHOUT blocking the middle with the box you are writing into.  I’m SOOO excited!  I’m still worried though about how many places we can read the material … We have the online reader, the offline reader, the phone, AND two kindles.  We like to assure our paid material can be read on ALL of them.  We’re learning recently, sometimes there are limitations.  We DON’T like that part.  Anyway … this is just the last quote:

“Preverbal communication … is the realm of non – consciously regulated intuitive behavior and implicit relational knowledge. Whether information is transferred or shared, which information gets across, and on which level it is “understood,” does not necessarily depend on the sender’s intention or conscious awareness” (Schore, 2012, p. 75).

@ 7:29PM ok, back again.  We just went through a new grid, but this time we were much better at capturing the entire body of what we wanted to collect – WHICH, I must admit seems to be almost the entire thing.  We started then with the first quote by doing a full narrative alongside it.  We’re still working with how we’re going to be collecting things to write about them … you know the figuring out part.  We have a LONG way to go as to holding information together in our brain, so we can “KNOW IT”.  I can read it and understand as we go, and then sometimes it seems that when we are taking notes, we are getting a better idea of what it says, but then even if we write it out in words and thoughts that make sense to us, we STILL can’t hold together the body of information we just conveyed.  For example, … this is the first grid.


“Primary emotional responses have been preserved through phylogenesis because they are adaptive. They provide an immediate assessment of the extent to which goals or needs are being met in interaction with the environment, and they reset the organism behaviorally, physiologically, cognitively, and experientially to adjust to these changing circumstances” (Schore, 2012, pp. 72-73).





“Phylogenesis n. the evolutionary development and diversification of a species or group or organisms, or of a feature of an organism.  Compare with ontogenesis” (New Oxford American Dictionary, nd).

As a “primary emotional response” the “phylogenesis” of ourselves as a Multiple, concerns development of a Multiple system, and the diversification of selfs within the system.  The Multiple system is that it is, as a system, “adaptive.”

The responses to the emotional overload of sexual abuse prior to the age of five was an immediate automatic process during severe abuse to gain an [unconscious] assessment” of the new selfs immediate goals or needs to survive which means that the selfs were capturing mentally their own worlds, according to particular abuses, in which they found themselves – to adapt/survive harrowing dilemmas.

The response is to “reset” the general self to an individual self in its own context. The survival included adaptations to their own behavior, functions as a separate organism, as well as range of workable thoughts, and allowance range of experiences.  These were primarily sets of mental, but unconscious survival functions assisted by biological functions of the brain.

To us as a system, this was like Mimi adjusting to the grandfather’s sexuality/alcohol, or Crystal dealing with the choking (grandfather’s ejaculation, or mother’s fingers choking her neck).  The individual selfs ARE the emotional (in relationship) structures with survival functions, while given the fact these selfs were too young, 3 months and 8 months, to hold consciousness, or decide how their life was going to be.


Ok, that’s enough for one day.  We’ve accomplished.  We’re tired.

10 pages (3003 words)

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